that 17.

2009-07-05T11:58:00.002+08:00

Been so long since I blogged. 2 Bizarre Things That Happened Recently:

1. My mum promised me a reward of SGD$ 1000.00/- if I am able to do a full split in 2 years time from today, 5th July 2009.

2. Somebody told me "Your life is gone. Seriously, gone" after I told him I was going to University.

Quite a nice twist to the usual perception. Sincerely welcomed.

2009-06-11T17:59:00.004+08:00

I want a house like that- windows that you can sit with your legs out, with that guitar.

In the years to come, Will you think about these moments that we shared?

2009-05-28T08:59:00.004+08:00

So if I had one wish left on the earth, I'd give it to you, for you to reach the place you've wanted so much to be. And all I can say is that I hope for you, now, because the hope I've given you once turned out to be a hoax and I'm sorry. I hope that you can give yourself strength to hope. And I know, you never really give up. Even if you say you open the letter box with a sense of hopelessness. You never, never give up.

So if I had one wish left on the earth, I'd give it to you, for you to go wherever you want to.

2009-05-25T12:14:00.012+08:00

"Your qualifications, your CV, are not your life."

2009-05-21T12:28:00.005+08:00

So, after I've thought about this a hundred and one times, the rational part of me sat down and I made this PROS and CONS list for SMU Sch of Soc Sci vs NUS FASS. It's kind of a sequel to the "NTU Mass com vs NUS FASS" but well that led me to NUS and the call from SMU on a wonderful Tuesday morning led me here. I kind of blurred the words so you can't really read it, but haha if you want to see my full list which is 1.5 A4 pages long, ask and you shall receive.

I think somebody transmitted me a sign last night. The transmission went:"Yi Qi, I think you're just running away from SMU because you're going to step out of your comfort zone." It came out of nowhere, you know. And I laughed, because I wondered out loud," Hello God, are you giving me a sign?" (Sorry I have no intention of making this sound insulting to those who're religious, really. I believe God/a supreme being exists but I'm agnostic/unitarian.)

Soooo anyway, after seeking advice from friends and seniors and reading the internet forums, this list emerged and this list has determined that I would not be travelling to the West for school. I crossed out the point about the (higher valued in terms of $, but not necessarily more prestigious) scholarship so that I could make a fair comparison but still, Dhoby Ghaut is the place to go.

It is mainly the compulsory internship and 2nd major, and my belief of better job prospects (due to the exposure to business studies) that has allowed S to whack N on the head and say "so there!" although N has a wonderful ranking of 18th in the world and an accompanying prestige.

Oh, so off I am to "Discover a different ME". Wonderful. (Will I develop an accent? Ok kidding)

Haha, and I cannot deny the fact that the materialistic part of me is happy too. Tsk.

2009-05-16T22:07:00.002+08:00

I want to find more of myself //
That journey isn't that great anyhow. Who will that journey involve? Where would that journey bring me? Why should I bother if it has already "been planned"?

On a wonderfully optimistic note, however, which I tend to incline myself towards, there are things that help to smoothen the ride.

Yes, whatever la yiqi. Pissy, curse-y, unhappy about the repetition of that apologetic-after-being-less-than-a-high-EQ-person routine. Wonderful conclusion to my night.

I'm ashamed to say that sometimes I don't feel guilt at all. Even today, when I left those dishes unwashed for the woman whom everyone takes for granted.

You lack resolve, yiqi. Better wake up your idea.

2009-05-07T11:32:00.004+08:00

Since we've got that truce going baby, fly me to the moon?
(Fill my life with song)
(And let me sing for ever more)

Okay, after a series of unhappy posts (haha, as so pointed out to me), time for some happy posts. I realised that my time with Elizabeth Choo has influenced my eating habits, to my utter dismay. I eat my rice with dark soy sauce, and I ate Mac's Big Breakfast a few days ago. Well. Today's post is gonna be really out of point and random so I'll probably delete it later on, because I want to sound cool and give the "hi, welcome to my blog I'm cool" impression. Right, I can see you rolling your eyes. I'm rolling my eyes at myself too.

1. Well well, I've discovered the existence of ADULT BALLET CLASSES. This means that my dreams of being able to do pirouettes and jetes is not impossible after (or is it?) I need some basic ballet to take lyrical jazz, which according to the amazing Facebook quizzes, IS MY KIND OF DANCE. But it's quite impossible since I'm still about... 45 degrees from the "spread your legs 180 degrees" stunt. Although having 45 more degrees to go means I am already 3/4 there, but as all of us know, this is a totally different matter.

2. A strange thought occured to me today. I had it after I watched Amazing Race Season 14 Finale. I cried when the teams reached the mat. Actually mainly when Luke and Margaret reached. I'm not trying to draw attention to the fact that Luke is deaf, but man. It's not easy. Okay so back to my strange thought. My thought was: What if God, or whoever made us, or whoever helped us evolve from chimpanzees, made us such that all males were blind, and all females were deaf? Or the opposite? So, men will never get to oogle at girls, and women will never be able to get that attention of the guy she's trying to flirt with since she can't make a sound, nor can she catch the eye of that man. So, if we were made that way, will we still find a way to interact and find our perfect match? I can see you trying hard to ignore me, since this is such a pointless question and we're not deaf nor blind, but well. It's just a prospsect. We're just lucky we evolved in the right way, or that God or whoever created us is smart and forward looking. Sorry I raised this question anyway.

Okay done for today. Got to water the plants, talk to them and maybe sing a little. They appreciate it.

2009-03-15T10:33:00.002+08:00

Somebody told me recently, "Seriously, don't try la. You won't get in one. XXX got 4As (and distinctions and wdvr etc etc etc elaborate on how great that person is) and he didn't even get in."

Well, it happens to be that I have this really irritating trait that refuses to " not try". I mean it dosen't hurt to try and if you don't even try... You really won't get in. Even if I don't I'll be proud that I even tried. And that's why I've been telling alot of my friends to try, no matter what. It's just stupid to tell somebody not to try. Because we're always doing that in life.

Haven't you tried to chase a bus that you might not even catch, but really had to because you were late? Haven't you wanted to be the best that you can ever be, but failed? But put it this way, if you have never wanted to be the best, you will never be. Even if you want to be your best, it starts by trying, by failing. Before you get it. And YOU WILL GET IT. if you believe and if you want it badly enough.

Well maybe some people have have been fortunate enough to get whatever they have wanted. The first time. But that dosen't make it right for them to tell others that they shouldn't even try just because they know of people who have failed.

"Haha, everything they say is bullshit."

Oh, then everything you've said isn't?Hello you can say whatever you want, and thank you for giving me your advice, but really, everybody can give advice but it's really up to the recepient to take it or not.

I still believe in myself and my abilities, i don't need anybody to judge me.

2009-03-05T19:29:00.004+08:00

Once in a while, I randomly check up on the netball scene back in Nanhua. The netball blog wasn't updated, so I went to Siying's blog. I enjoyed reading the posts. One particular post went like this:

Tomorrow is the day. To be who I imagine to be, what I imagine to do. The day. To get it.

I found it so apt to describe how I'm feeling now.

2009-03-01T22:51:00.003+08:00

He sits there quiet, contemplative. But inside him there's somebody who'll come out for a kill. Both of them know. They know deep inside there's more to him than that nice smile, gentle demeanour. There's not just more. There's too much that they didn't know that lay hidden. The flakes will slowly fall. The outer covering will fall until all you see is what's inside.

When we were young and we met people who weren't exactly nice to you, or when we encountered set backs, when we cried over lost matches and exam results, we thought we've learnt so much about the world. That we've grown up, that we've seen that much of the world.

But we had no idea it was going to get even more complicated. We thought we knew something but we knew nothing. We learn more and more. And more. About people, businesses, feelings, relationships, apparent relationships. About matters, reality, finance. Life and more.

I wish you all the best in your journey of discovery. As I go on with mine. But there're always things to be thankful for. For one, discovering true friendship that withstands adversity. And I'm so thankful for you. I know this friendship will be one that I can turn to, for a long time to come. When nobody could understand, she could because we are in this together. Even when I've done with this, I will still be in this with you.

Second thing I'm thankful about today. Family.

Last thing. I'm thankful for our relationship. As rocky as things can get, there'll always be that blissful feeling when things are resolved.

2009-01-29T18:43:00.004+08:00

To all future businessmen:

My new year wish for you is that you'll have a legitimate business that does not leave employees puzzling over whether they've made the right decision joining your company, that does not infuriate employees when they do not have the resources to go about their job. May you have a business that is known to be doing good things, doing charity even if you are not running a big business that gives you a huge turnover. I hope that your business will care for the welfare of all employees and potential employees. A business that gives the right kind of information. Whatever you have promised, should be there. The title indeed, must be there but having a title, with no content, is like having a toilet door that you cannot close. Meaning, you might as well NOT DO YOUR BUSINESS.

wow, what a nice analogy that fits perfectly.

2009-01-18T16:30:00.003+08:00

From Nerina Pallot's MySpace page(click):

"Coz music, real music, isn’t about whether something is cool or not, or what nightclub you go to, or how much you don’t eat. Music is about that intangible magic thread between your speakers and your heart; something that makes difficult things less difficult to feel, euphoric moments more extraordinary, and a way of saying the things we say everyday in a new language that everyone can understand. Nerina Pallot loves music, and that’s all you really need to know, innit? "

I feel so much respect for her and the way she is. The way she seems to accept the way she is, her confidence and the way she's so, so, so natural with the piano. Hah, and I like the way she blogs. Thanks Jaime, never knew Pallot existed.

Emotions so clear, every beat so strong.

2009-01-16T21:10:00.004+08:00

The voices sing out so loud, the emotions so clear, every beat so strong.

I think music-playing, singing- is a very enjoyable thing. Isn't that such a simple statement? Yeah. Sometimes, when the vacuous way of living becomes so unbearable, to such an extent we question the reason the purpose of life, singing can fill that void. Even if you sing out of tune (well anyway if you sing out of tune, the odds are you don't know you are singing out of tune,maybe), even if you can't belt out the latest hits, even if you can't remember the lyrics and just hum or make weird sounds to fill up the gaps, even if... even if everything is wrong, singing can't do the soul wrong. I mean people go to church and they worship and they sing songs right? And the temple people chant? And the African tribes beat drums and dance? Even if you're not religious, you can sing a little nursery rhyme and whatever, it makes you feel like prancing around. Does it not? Okay maybe it's just me. But... try. Try singing. Like B's previous blog url, "LET'S SING IT". take that advice. and well Jai's blog url "MUSIC SAVES THE WORLD". yeah. music saves yiqi from cheerlessness, and it saves yiqi from the world that, sometimes, fail to be the way we'd like it to be.

I guess what has never failed to touch me, it's music. And the people who've brought music into my life and my memories. When I listen to those familiar tunes, I feel a shiver go through me and... I don't know. Sometimes when you listen to a really good vocalist, you get those goosebumps? Yeah. I mean, only music can be that magical.

If music were a religion...hmm. I wouldn't be a free thinker.

Beautiful SA.

2009-01-07T20:03:00.010+08:00

I miss the years erased.

2008-12-31T15:11:00.003+08:00

Last day of 2008.
You know we always like to blog on the last day of the year, talk about how the past year has been. Talk about the friends we've met, talk about the new passions that've entered our lives, talk about all the good and bad, talk about friendships that still last right up a decade, talk about people who've left, talk about how we used to be and how we changed, talk about people who've changed, talk about the future, talk about resolutions and how we would keep them...

But you know what? I can't really remember what I talked about on the last day of 2007. Or on the last day of 2006... backtracking, I can't remember my new year resolutions for 2008. I flipped through my book and I found it- my new year resolutions! Okay, so they're the same. I don't think I kept all of them. One major 2008 resolution was:

I WILL WAKE UP EVERY DAY WITH A SENSE OF PURPOSE.

One year later, on 31/12/08, I'm still looking very much for a new sense of purpose and meaning. Point of story?

I guess we have to keep on looking for what we want. It's that cliched quote saying 'Life is a journey, not a destination'. Things we've never really understood, we start to slowly comprehend, and acknowledge. Right, so let's continue on our journey.

Don't think i'll write any resolutions for 2009. I believe, I think all we need, is that sense of meaning. Purpose. And every other thing in life that we've yearned for will follow... maybe.

Here's wishing all a happy new year, happy 2009, and may everybody find their direction and sense of purpose in life. Not just in 2009, but for the entire of their lifetimes. Have a great journey.

meaning.

2008-12-29T10:52:00.002+08:00

I woke up moody, regretful and pissed. I think i sleepwalked last night, when it started to rain. I know part of my brain woke up to close the windows, but the other part was pissed that I woke up. So what I really did was walk to the living room and walk back to my room, then fall back asleep again. Dumb.

That's not the point anyway.

The point is, I don't see much meaning in my life. I am now considerably more cheerful than I was one hour ago, so I shall try to explain my feelings without going into that somber mood. Yesterday while taking bus with the guitarists to Chomp Chomp, I suddenly had a realisation that I wasn't happy. Don't get me wrong, I was having lots of fun. There is no lack of laughter, smiles nor happiness whenever I'm with my friends or when I'm dating. I don't know how to put it adequately.

All along I thought that maybe, I had to look for a job to make my life more meaningful. You know, like earn your own keep, get to buy the things you always wanted to buy. Or maybe, find something that I'm passionate about. Music, dance, sports. Enjoy life. Enjoy the sun. Enjoy company. But yesterday on the bus, I realised I was already laughing so much. But why isn't there that satisfaction that I've once felt?

The last time I ever felt truly happy, and truly satisfied was after Reverie 2008. When Mr Wan and Mr Chan shook my hand. I felt satisfied. It's after all that internal turmoil, the tsunami of emotions that I've felt pre-concert, and when it's finally done and done to a certain acceptable standard, it's so satisfying. Emotionally, it was a new, wonderful experience, and it was that happiness, that satisfaction only came after I've been right down bottom where my brain, my heart and my body has been tried. When I've started tearing after receiving sms-es from the man himself telling me that the concert will be great, even though everything was a mess just days before the concert. I don't know how to put it.

It's making a difference, it's doing something that has been meaningful I guess.

On the bus, I remember laughing, smiling, having fun. But I don't feel that happiness from deep inside. I don't feel my heart smiling, my mind laughing, my feet dancing, tapping to every beat in my life. (Okay Yi Qi you're being dramatic).

But today morning, I finally understood. Maybe it's God's way of telling me. Hey, you don't need a job. That's not what's going to give you happiness. What is going to give me happiness? Making a difference? Doing something that contributes to a good cause? Making money isn't going to give you happiness. Turning around in circles trying to fit in somewhere where you don't even have mastery in won't give me happiness. I can sing, I can play but I can't do all that for life.

I don't know yet. I really don't know. I'm just looking for a sign, for something to really show me the way to what I should be doing. But I'm sure now. I'm looking for volunteer opportunities, very much interested. And the Volunteer Orientation should be a good starting point I guess.
I mean, if i'm volunteering long-term, the happiness i can derive and the difference i can make in the world surely and farly (is there such a word?) exceeds what i would derive if i were to look for work and make lots of money right?

I really do hope so. And till then, until I find what I really want (and fast, I only have so much free time till Uni), the next time you see me I'll not only have better skin (due to the immense amount of dead sea salt facial and body scrub i bought), and also, I'll be a happier girl. I'll know what I want. I believe it.

I'll still be looking for a job, but now I know it's not what can bring my life around and make me satisfied. I hope you understand what I've been saying. If not, it's fine because my life, my thoughts isn't something I can put explicitly in words, and although I've really been trying, I understand that nobody, but myself can really give me what I want in life.

Have a wonderful day.

2008-12-27T11:56:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YIQI! (:

I hope you'll start to accept and adapt to every day that you'll be living, from this day, from this day when you turn 18. Learn to stop being angry easily, learn to accept things and people, your emotions... Learn to accept yourself, your physique, your looks with and without specs, your hair on bad hair days, your nose that acts up once in a while... Love yourself every day and I hope you wake up smiling each day. Even if you can't find a job yet. Believe in yourself and make full use of your life even if it's not earning you big bucks. Make your life meaningful, do the things you've always wanted to do. Stop putting it off.

Love your friends and make it a point to go for gatherings, because it's never weird or awkward as you think it may be. Be cautious of people, but open your heart to those you know are true. Better tried and failed, than never to have known how it's like.

Remember your principles, those who've helped you along, those who've always been beside you. Be grateful, be loving and be happy. Make a difference to those around you. Also, be safe. All the best, 17, on your 18th birthday.

Love, Yi Qi.

2008-12-25T22:13:00.003+08:00

hurhur, when i took off my contacts on christmas eve, it broke. I thought smth was left inside, but my mum said there was nothing after she checked for me. So i went to sleep after spamming my eye with eye drops. And... I got a christmas present from Santa when I woke up this christmas! (:

I found a piece of contact lens in my eye. HOHO! Tadah. This is just a reminder to all my friends wearing contacts, pls rmb to check the lens you took out to make sure it's not broken. Haha, cuz if there's a little piece left in your eye, you can hardly feel it. So... yeah! (: Be careful and keep your eyes safe this christmas! (:

Merry to all.

too outright, so much for change.

2008-12-22T18:40:00.002+08:00

I've changed a lot. Evidence, proven, convicted. Just today, when I called a secondary school classmate I haven't talked to for 4 years (or so, she was my classmate in lower sec and then she went to NUS High) to inform her about the gathering, she nearly hung up on me.

"Hey J, this is yiqi. You remember me?"
"Huh? You're not yiqi. I'm hanging up."

--silence--
I was so bemused and unsure of what I should be doing. After the silence, she said "You're really yiqi, meh?" and I said "err, ya?". and then the conversation went on.

So apparently, it was not just my character that changed. My voice probably did too. I certainly hope it has changed for the nicer.

I don't know how i feel about the gathering tomorrow. It's... interesting I guess. After all, we haven't got together in...4 years? Yes, that's how united we are. (Very very united my foot.) If Mrs B.Lim weren't migrating, we would never have met up at all. Maybe 50 years down the road, when we could have lost touch, when somebody has died, we'd meet up. Probably, for the funeral, or something like that.

It's always like that isn't it? We always realise, acknowledge, reflect, remember, think, regret, et cetera, only when things have ended. Oh well at least now we know and I know I want to make effort to maintain relationships. It felt quite good, calling people I haven't spoken to in a long time. (But some people I think I prefer to avoid.)

Just back from Taiwan, and I learnt pretty interesting things. The Fengshui master said something that I thought was really true. She said I seldom get angry. But once I do, my temper would be really, really, really bad. It's really true huh? (Comments on the tagboard please, ha.) The guitar people should know. My secondary school friends will never understand what that is like. Because yiqi has changed. I used to keep things in and I would never show my feelings inside.

I don't know why I've changed so much. But it's all for the better. I like myself today. I like being open and being able to step up and sing. Making friends through music. In Taiwan, I smiled at so many strangers and they always smiled back. I like that feeling.

It's like how a little girl smiles and everybody can't help but smile back.

When we were young, our parents told us being a child would be the happiest times of our life. We could play at playgrounds. Slide down the slide upside down. I saw a young girl doing that, and I suddenly felt that familarity. We never believed our parents. We wanted to grow up. But now i understand why they said that. We can't go to a playground and slide down head first without fearing how others look at us. Which is why I have a dream of building this huge, huge playground only for youths and the young at heart. Do you think it's possible? Whatever it is, it's still a dream. A possibility. Although I have never wanted or thought of becoming an entreprenuer.

But you just smile and take my hand.

2008-12-05T20:38:00.000+08:00

it's the music.

2008-12-05T19:27:00.002+08:00

It's the music that is the root of the problem. It's making me feel.

In my opinion, Yiruma is an aesthetic success. His works... make me feel all sorts of feelings. Does it make you? Listening to his songs inspire me. But they can make me feel like bawling. Like now. I don't know how to describe it. OK let's just leave it as that.

TO GEORGE TEO THE FIGHTER

2008-11-30T07:43:00.002+08:00

You probably won't be able to read this anytime soon, as I presume that since their aircon isn't cold enough, they probably won't be able to give you internet access from your bed. But you know, I believe that things will be ok soon, for everybody because George Teo is a fighter and he'll conquer anything regardless of the cause of your, hur, foot. Well, you'll get well soon- you have to, because you promised me dates and you've never gone back on your promises before. Okay so huh, I'll see you really soon (TODAY!IN ABOUT 3 HOURS! I'm going there by your favourite bus eh, heh, heh, heh ) And today, you'll smile because this is the first time I've ever dedicated ANY BLOG ENTRY TO ANYBODY! (gasp!)

okay George Teo, you have to
GET WELL SOON.
with lots of love,
YiQi.

I miss you already.

2008-11-18T20:25:00.004+08:00

I don't regret anything. Coming to SA, taking my As here. There isn't a tinge of regret. The only regret is not being able to dance, but IF I get some pretty desirable results next year, I know, deep inside that if I had been dancing my grades would probably have suffered. Dance would have become the largely predominant part of my life. Just as netball and council had been. I don't know if my O level results (undesirable or not you can judge) were due to my hectic CCA schedule, but I know there aren't any regrets. SA, as horrible as it was in my first few months here, gave me so much. I can't be more grateful. SA gave me guitar. Gave me friends I know I'll miss. Friends I know I'd keep in touch with (I hope. See I'm always strangely

I know, some Feb or March next year, when I get my results I must accept it. I've done my best and things will just be. I really don't know how it'll be. I don't really want to fret over all the questions i've done wrongly, re-do all the MCQ questions... It's just pointless. What's done is done.

Hello A Levels. I have finally finished you (off).

High school musical 3 was pretty good! (: The company was as good as the movie too. Haha. (Read between the lines and find compliments please). I shall rest on the 19th, oddly, because 19th is a very special day which makes it rare that I'm at home, but due to some seen circumstances, 19th this month shall be spent at home tsk (oh no yiqi you're talking in circles again you better stop this bad habit) and then here comes the 20th! It's funny. Amusing. One year ago I was fretting. One year later from that day, I'm looking forward to spending time with my classmates. Yes, indeed. Singing... it's a magical thing.

And I appreciate every single breath i take today. Every single minute I spend today and tomorrow and every day.

(Every single minute that brings me closer to the moment you'll hug me when you're back.)

Well well A's are finally over. Plans? (: I haven't heard from my 3 girls for such a long time but hmm. I don't know. We're always waiting for some other person to take the initiative. Psst, I have 3 BIRTHDAY PRESENTS waiting to be given to their rightful owners! And then, there comes christmas. Tsk have any idea how LATE your presents are? Yes we must meet up soon. I suddenly realise i'm in a monologue. Sheize. And not forgetting primary sch, secondary sch, jc class gatherings. Things to look forward to. Feelings to be reaffirmed and past grievances to be addressed. Mahjong to be learnt(IF somebody is still willing to teach). People to be avoided too. Family ties to be strengtened. Work to be done, money to be earned.

POST-EXAM ACTIVITIES HERE I COMEEEEEE!!!
btw anybody knows anybody who needs a piano teacher or tuition teacher call me okay. Haha. Whee. I know this advertisement is ineffective because my blog is seemingly unheard of. Only a small circle read my blog and I thank you, because it's because of you that I get comments. And it's interesting to get comments. It's... yeah interesting.

click and delete.

2008-11-12T20:05:00.005+08:00

I decided the last few posts I posted didn't really suit my mood today, so i deleted them. I expected Blogger to ask me "ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DELETE THE MARKED ENTRIES?" or "Your action will be irreversible" or something along that line, but it didn't. so tadah. It's gone but just a click.

Deleted, gone.
Just like how buildings are demolished. Just like how paper can be shredded. Just like how air exists in a vacuum. Just like how the dinosaurs died. Just like how people leave us without saying goodbye. Just like how people leave as they say goodbye. Just as how memories sneak away from the left and right temporal lobes in your brain. Just as how we forget when we really don't mean to. Just as how addicts flush drugs down the toilet bowl when there's a raid. Just as how your old medals and trophies don't give you the pride you've once felt. Just like how your fitness slips when you stop exercising. Just like how you stop believing. Just as how like a flash of lightning exists for just a second. Just like how cars become scrap metal and everything becomes trash. Just like how we can forget that the phenyl group is actually the functional group of a benzene ring(statement not verified to be absolutely veracious). Just like how we wave to some people but ignore the rest. Just like how we choose to forget. Just like how we use correction tape to delete all the errors we put down on paper. Just like how we try to eliminate the memories of past errors. Just like how I forget, how you forget, how he forgets and how she forgets. Forgetting is deleting from the memory. Just like how the world is.

The world finds new things. Deletes the old.
One day, you might delete me. I might forget you too.

Today, who will delete you?
Who might?
Who has?

Cogitations about life do not point towards any negative feelings in me. In fact, there is much to smile about. Today, tomorrow, and even more days I have with you. You that I wouldn't want to delete. And hello my friends when I say you I don't just mean George. Being in a relationship does not mean you don't feel for any other person. Do you feel for me?

oh Yi Qi you're such a wimp. Face it.

Alex Goot-We Could Love

2008-09-09T18:09:00.002+08:00

Now there's real talent for you.

True enough. Do you know me better than this test?

2008-09-09T17:56:00.001+08:00

My Personality


Neuroticism	10
Extraversion	30
Openness To Experience	40
Agreeableness	46
Conscientiousness	75

You do not experience strong, irresistible cravings and consequently do not find yourself tempted to overindulge, however you are not generally self conscious about yourself. You lead a leisurely and relaxed life. You would prefer to sit back and smell the roses than indulge in high energy activities. You tend not to express your emotions openly and are sometimes not even aware of your own feelings. You find helping other people genuinely rewarding and are generally willing to assist those who are in need. You find that doing things for others is a form of self-fulfillment rather than self-sacrifice, however you generally see others as selfish, devious, and sometimes potentially dangerous. You take your time when making decisions and will deliberate on all the possible consequences and alternatives.

Take the Personality Tests now or view the full personality report.

jewelry

2008-09-02T14:17:00.003+08:00

To some people, the experience may have been nothing.

To me, it was quite alot.
Not everything, but. yeah.

Wasted my precious half an hour of non-mugging time (I sound like i've kinda gone crazy) trying to find out if there were any lasting impressions left. But nope. Haha. Something I'd have done one year ago, something I still did today.

But well. Farewell's over and it's not time to investigate the ever absense of fun they ever had. Burn all the mystery I've ever contemplated and throw all the remnants into the Indian Ocean. Wooh. (I chose Indian Ocean because they came to mind.)

One word of caution to my closest: Don't probe me on this alright, i'll tell you when I remember after prelims. (:

Did I mention I was going to stop blogging?
Well. Can't help it.

the video(:

2008-08-30T22:18:00.000+08:00

28/08/08
The SAJC Guitar Farewell 2008 organised by the 5th batch ended that night with smiles and photos. But memories will remain, and friendships forged will forever stay close to our hearts.

Dedicated to SAJC Guitarists 07/08 Batch(with lots of love).

In the rain, and summer days too; I'll remember you.

2008-08-29T11:16:00.006+08:00

My reflections for 28/08/08.
Originally posted on http://sajcguitare.blogspot.com

" The last post was in January.

This blog has been rather underused. Maybe, it has become a positive externality that you guys have underconsumed (haha). But today, you guys will correct this market failure by reading what i really want to tell you (besides what I said during farewell)

I tossed and turned in bed last night, after the day was over (it was 12.10am). So many thoughts ran through my mind. Happy thoughts, sweet memories, but there was even regret. Regret that I did not think about what i wanted to say seriously. I saw the video of my speech and it wasn't so great; I wanted to tell you guys so much so much. But yet all i said in my speech were those that were so surface. I wanted you guys to know how i felt deep inside. But you know, those thoughts and those words never did come to me. Only after Farewell was over.

It was the last speech I was going to say, but I didn't think of what i really wanted to say. What a horrid and emo thought. Haha.

So then I wanted to tell you guys this. You know, each and every one of you have made a difference in my jc life. Last year, I never did like SA much. It was guitar that brought a smile to my face every Wednesdays and Fridays. Guitar gave me something to think about. Something to explore my passion and (ahem)talent. We were only 8 people but I guess that is a blessing in disguise because if we were a larger group, we may not have become so close. Close in the sense that there is a close feeling(are you thinking 'Huh? What she talking?'?haha) What i mean is that although we don't know each other very very very well like, E.G i didn't know that Kaijie had a dog, or I don't know how many siblings Jannah have, but the point is that every time I see you guys in school, I have a very homely feeling. The feeling is like. I don't know how to explain it. Just saying 'hi' and maybe giving Matthew a poke just makes my day (hahaha). Remember what we said for last year's farewell to the seniors? It really is what i want to say.

"Thank you isn't good enough"
"But know that it will be okay, for friendship never changes"

So don't stop making my day, or my life would be incomplete.

Early this morning, I woke up to an empty house (My mum was out for yogaaa). The first thing I did was to take out the scrapbook and I flipped the pages with a smile on my face. (It's like magic huh, the scrapbook is like a smile-making machine!) I wanted to show my mum the book, but well. Later. And then I can feel happy again later, heh. I kept looking at the photo of the 8 of us. The one after concert that I was so excited about, remember? Haha. And it hasnt' grown any less nice. Because sometimes you keep looking at the photo, then you'll start to see like eh, this part not nice, etc. But the photo is PERFECT! Haha. Maybe it's just the people. The sweet, sweet memories.

To the juniors, farewell was really great. We really did enjoy it, so don't doubt your abilities or wonder if we did enjoy it, because we really did enjoy it.(See, a problem with me is that i talk in circles. Which explains why you have to read it to understand better.) And we really appreciate every little bit of thoughtfulness- from the pattaya rice to the scrapbooks. It was a wonderful night, complete with a spectacular sights of lightning, as well as a showcase of talents. Thankyou!

There. I've lessened my regrets and I guess the proper closure to my always wandering mind starts now. Study hard folks. For the love of our school's study culture! (:

Will hand this blog over to the jc1s soon, so... Don't know if they'll still use it, or rather, dont know if they'll use it MORE THAN WE DID, but well. heh. "

Did you know?

2008-08-27T19:36:00.002+08:00

http://haemophiliacs.blogspot.com/

What is hemophilia?
Hemophilia is an inherited bleeding disorder. Blood contains many proteins, called clotting factors, which work to stop bleeding. People with hemophilia have a low level or absence of one of these clotting factors in their blood.

The lack of clotting factor causes people with hemophilia to bleed for longer periods of time than people whose blood factor levels are normal. People with hemophilia do not bleed faster than other people, and will not bleed to death from a minor cut or injury. The main problem for people with hemophilia is bleeding internally, mainly into muscles and joints.

--

Even as we learn about how science and technology is now opening the windows of hope to previously uncurable diseases, the truth is that many medical conditions are now treatable, but not curable.

So please spread the message, increase the awareness for one such medical condition called haemophilia.

"Hemophilia is quite rare. About 1 in 10,000 people is born with hemophilia A. About 1 in 50,000 people is born with hemophilia B. "

What they said.

2008-08-14T17:18:00.004+08:00

Recently I've become so incapacitated by fear that is created by something non-existent. Detach. Detach. Oh breathe Yi Qi. Stop being ridiculous.

Meanwhile, while I continue on my endeavours to redeem myself, I shall not forsake P.E because i believe that exercise can make my brain happier and more efficient.

After i got my 'O' Level results, MR E.N (I still don't like him) saw me looking dismayed and he said, " Well you've been taught a lesson. Learn from it." He didn't look at all encouraging but I will redeem myself. You just wait.

FONSEKA, I WILL DO YOU PROUD! What you pronosticated did not come true 1 year ago. It will come true next year. When that happens, you may not remember me but I remember you and I know that if you know, you will be proud of me. Yes.

YES.

2008-08-07T14:27:00.000+08:00

If that's the best she can do for us, why keep judging her?

So is this love?

2008-07-27T16:32:00.003+08:00

Vancouver Aquarium: two sea otters float around holding hands.

A MUST WATCH TILL THE END! TILL THE END! Somehow in the middle they got separated but... they found each other again. (hmm)

The beauty of life.

2008-07-27T16:25:00.003+08:00

This little hamster is 13 days old.
I don't know why but looking at this video makes me think about life. life as in living.

Friday reflections.

2008-07-25T18:47:00.005+08:00

Life gives you twists and turns.
Some turns show you an unexpected route that you can take;
some turns tell yourself more about the emotions you feel.
You feel them.
Face them.
Remember them.
Ultimately these emotions make you the person you are.
However hard you try to use your head and not your emotions, your emotions can make you remember how things were like. This influences your mind.

Some twists in life take your breath away.
Beauty. Tragedies.
You experience them one by one.
Sometimes a touch, a picturesque view that is gone in a few seconds
can jolt your heart and give it a push.

A push
to Go on with our lives.
Feel, learn, observe.

Live.

Live.

Why we should eat less meat.

2008-07-12T22:34:00.001+08:00

it is still a beautiful world.

2008-07-11T15:08:00.003+08:00

Desiderata
by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrenderbe on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantmentit is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.Strive to be happy.

Laughing Yoga

2008-07-08T18:52:00.003+08:00

HELLLO I WOULD LIKE ALL MY FRIENDS TO WATCH THIS.
IT REALLY WORKS for destress!

2008-07-02T18:26:00.002+08:00

This particular school system dosen't take into consideration government failure. This leads to welfare loss, which leads to a lowered standard of living for students in school.

Disappointing.

In this case the top few positions of the government may hold strong, but if the channels of communication in charge of passing down the government's decisions fail, this is tantamount to failure of the government.

It's not just apparent between some teachers and their students.
It's apparent that there has been a lack of communication between teachers as well.

I mean, which teacher humiliates another in front of a good hundred students? Calling the teacher by the full name and leaving out the a title of respect (Mr, Miss, Mdm, etc.) in front of all her students.

On the other hand, one may argue that the teacher in question may not mind her colleague calling her in such a way. They might have established a friendly relationship that withstands all kinds of jokes played on each other. However, we cannot deny that this still shows a disregard for basic respect for her colleague and such behaviour, in my opinion, will disparage the whole staff of __JC.

But then again, I'm just a student and my views really, don't matter. What really matters is that the school is trying its best and we should always be good college students who rally behind the school and its heads.

Alright I just miss the days in Nanhua whereby the whole school and situation can be controlled by One single powerful voice-- the voice of Mrs B. Lim, whom I respect alot and whom I believe has gained the respect of many.
(as compared to what I saw today, whereby a few women fought for power and for the final say.)

I miss the exco days where I could get my hands on whatever information i needed on school events.

I miss the days whereby communication was so effective that any change in time of meeting would be made known to ALL by hook or by crook even if it was a last minute decision.

you see? We should stop comparing.

2008-06-29T21:50:00.004+08:00

I MISS NETBALL.
even love for music and dance cannot make me forget that
my heart really wants to beat for THE GAME.

damn it.

2008-06-27T18:07:00.003+08:00

KAMU.

2008-06-23T18:08:00.003+08:00

it's beautiful when the strings and the piano come together in the second movement(ah well maybe not movement, maybe the theme. the slow part.) But I really like the pianist's actions AFTER the whole piece. HAHA because it resembles the way i lay back in the middle of playing imagine during concert.

ha. just to justify myself and to stop the j2 guitarists from laughing at my justified movements deemed unnecessary okay. haha. Only professionals will do such things HOR.

2008-06-20T15:55:00.004+08:00

if - bread

If a man could be two places at one time,
I'd be with you.
Tomorrow and today, beside you all the way.
If the world should stop revolving spinning slowly down to die,
I'd spend the end with you.
And when the world was through,
Then one by one the stars would all go out,
Then you and I would simply fly away.

Started off as strangers, but lucky enough to not become just almost lovers. It does not matter how we got together. We are Together now.

and loving every day with you.

2008-06-12T20:37:00.002+08:00

you wonder where you'd be if things had been different.

the concept of opportunity cost.

I never intended so many things in my life. I wonder where I'd end up eventually. Where my feet would bring me.

"Nobody can take that love away from you."
Well said.

2008-06-05T16:45:00.003+08:00

PLEASE STOP SPREADING LIES THROUGH EMAIL!

"An 8 years (sic) old child...caught in a market in Iran for stealing bread... In the name of Islam he is being punished, his arm will be crushed by a car. He will loose (sic) forever the possibility to use his arm again. Is this a religion of peace and love?"

Click here to see WHY THE EMAIL IS A LIE.

I am really pissed, that people, especially PEOPLE FROM SINGAPORE, are still forwarding such messages and passing it around. I mean, we all all educated on racial harmony and everything. But why is it that there are still people who are not mature enough to understand what's racist and are still passing on emails that contain blatant lies? You know, we should all start exercising some MEDIA RESPONSIBILTY. and only forwarding things that are not discriminatory or insulting, or worse, UNTRUE. like, forward some inspiring quotes or inspiring stories. whatever.

This is a response i read on the net, from New Texture: The Blog

"the deliberately misleading explanation of the photos makes it obvious that this is clear anti-Islam propaganda, being shared for the sole purpose of making people from another culture seem like alien monsters—which then makes it that much easier for us to not give a fuck when we invade and begin killing them, even instilling a sense of moral outrage (false, but who cares?) to somehow justify our actions.

So yes, it's more xenophobic bullshit."

It's not the first time I'm receiving such emails, about some religion being better than another, or some religion having committed some really horrible things that we should all condemn. Or stupid emails saying that somebody has cancer and sending it on will give them money. It's getting on my nerves.

Also from New Texture: The Blog
"As strongly as I believe these emails are created and started by people with a very ugly agenda, I also believe that the majority of people who pass them along do so because they truly feel they are doing a good and noble thing. The only question is, does this streak of nobility that compels us to forward an email run deep enough that we'll spend an extra minute confirming whether or not we're spreading lies?"

Yes, please.
SPEND AN EXTRA MINUTE CONFIRMING WHETHER OR NOT YOU'RE SPREADING LIES. (if you're unsure.) Because this email, is quite obviously a lie.

And I'm upset that this email can still spread so far.

2008-05-30T16:28:00.011+08:00

101 words

test your speed too!

hahaha.
quote of the day:" I am so hao lian."-Mr Wan.
Applies to me too!

2008-05-17T09:45:00.002+08:00

reading the newspapers recently makes me sad.

It feels weird thinking that, right now as i'm typing this, someone is stuck under the debris in China. A child is dying from chronic diarrhoea in Myanmar. Somebody is crying because she lost all her family members in the Szechuan earthquake.

Big, big world. So much suffering.
What more should we ask for when all we need is food, water and love?

The tears I've ever cried in my life are really over inconsequential matters. The real tears and desperation is only seen in those who have really suffered and cried out for help. For hope. For emotional comfort.

Bless their souls and may time heal their scars.

2008-03-13T19:10:00.001+08:00

Take this sinking boat
and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice
you had a choice
You've made it now

I've made my choice, and it's time I won.

2008-03-13T19:04:00.002+08:00

which brings me back to the point.
" So do we create a city of our memories? Because every part of it is important to us and every time we lose a bit of it, we lose a bit of ourselves."

ha, stop feeling sorry for yourself girl. cuz you'll dance again somewhat somehow.

maybe. (:

2008-03-04T21:00:00.003+08:00

" you think like that fair or not?"
well asked, well asked.
It's never fair. use your brains a bit. how can it be fair? OBSERVE.

keeping it in will not help, so i shall SHOW my ever-so-unsatisfied-and-indignant thoughts. No, more than thoughts. Bitter thoughts; feelings. Criticisms, scorn, disdain.

Remember someone once said that i can be so subtle.
Yes dear, you said that.
So hello you reading this: guess. GUESS who i'm talking about.
Warning: it'll be difficult, for the smiles are all facades behind the nasty intentions.

It's ridiculous. ridiculous for you to show that pathetic look. Like "I think the world is short-changing me." But you have no idea, yo. No idea. How much that little contribution can measure up to what others have done. What, you get the same kind of recognition. This is fair, huh? Yeah, fair if you're a blockhead*, bonehead, dolt, donkey*, dope, dunce, fool, halfwit, idiot, imbecile, jackass*, jerk*, nincompoop, nitwit*, numskull, schmuck, simpleton*, twerp, twit*. Do click if you don't understand what i mean by that. credits to dictionary.com.

oh come on Yiqi stop it. Stop being mean.
Yeah you can bet i'm not being nice here, but heck. it makes me feel better after using ONE HOUR of my time doing whatever needs to be done. (and i'm not paid$$$, yo. and what's pissing me off is you may be paid for what i've done. no, not that. it's just that it dosen't make sense that what i've done is considered EQUAL to what you've done.)

no, not money.
go figure.

but if you know me well enough (oh please, don't think you do unless you really do.), you'd know that maybe it involves MONEY AS WELL. MONEY MONEY MONEY you mon(k)ey face.

i'm feeling better now! (:
thank you blogger.

i feel nice.

2008-02-16T22:42:00.002+08:00

behavioural science.

2008-02-09T22:17:00.001+08:00

"It could happen to anyone of us
Anyone you think of
Anyone can fall
Anyone can hurt someone they love"

I do not agree with this song.
心是可以很坚强的。

The Lunar New Year seems to be losing it's meaning; it's like a piece of paper that was once filled with words. These words slowly fade and the paper becomes plain. The plain paper then oxidizes and becomes yellow. Yellow still isn't red, you see? And red is the colour of CNY. But then again, red is like national day. On Wednesday, the school looked so weird with all the teachers wearing red shirts. eek. Isn't there something UNIQUE for cny? (okay, besides the funny lou hei competition (: )

...

nonsensical.

The CNY in Malaysia was kinda bland for me. No gossip, no fireworks to look forward to, no fire to put out, no runaway pet dogs to find, yada yada. Bland.

She put me off by sitting too close to me. Leaning all over me. Putting her head on my shoulder. Related by blood, yes. But she didn't seem to fit there. So yes, I was pissed and i lost the few consecutive games, lost some money(oh well.) Bad luck is attracted by negative energy, see?

Ha. But now i'm back, ... heh.
我很开心!!!
hoho, 中国话。全世界都在学中国话。

Happy Lunar New Year all! (:
Happy Birthday, love.

总有些惊奇的奇遇
比方说当我遇见你
你那双温柔剔透的眼睛
出现在我梦里
我的爱就像一片云
在你的天空无处停
多渴望化成阵阵的小雨
滋润你心中的土地(:

2008-01-05T16:58:00.000+08:00

with your love,
maybe the ugly duckling can become a swan.
or maybe realise, it was not ever ugly afterall.

thank you.

2008-01-01T21:57:00.000+08:00

"Well don't you know that it's a fool who plays it cool by making his world a little colder?" -Hey Jude, the Beatles.

Yes, tomorrow. Make my world a little LESS colder.

TAKE A SAD SONG
AND MAKE IT BETTER.

hello 2008!

2007-12-23T18:04:00.000+08:00

She'd rather have not-so-polite-but-respectful, casual, happy conversations with people who were interested in being who they really were, and not those who were interested in commenting about the complications of somebody else's life.

Have you ever felt like you wanna be impolite to those around you just to break away from the always-polite image? Bicker, then make up and laugh about it. Make memories. Make peace. Scream at those you dislike, and find out who they really are like.

Think about it. Who'd care enough to make up with you? Or who'd be the ones who, from then on decide that she's had enough and whatever you've had between you mean nothing to her.

They say if you should tell every single person who means something to you that you value him/her. But then again, how can you be sure that the rain has not washed away the make-up on her face?

Okay, maybe we should just make things simple and remember that the heart never lies. trust instinct.

and too bad if we have bad instinct. uhoh.

2007-12-08T21:23:00.000+08:00

you deserve better.
you deserve me. (:
and i deserve you right back.

the day that you fall, i'll be right behind you to pick up the pieces.

It's not always easy,
But I'm here forever.

2007-11-30T21:50:00.000+08:00

so stuck on this song. while it's on repeat mode i realised there're some lines that are particularly apt in my life now. only these few lines though. haha. not the whole song, unlike some person out there nursing a heartbreak.

1.one thought of you is all it takes to leave the rest of the world behind.

2. i'm sitting here trying to entertain myself with this old guitar
but with all my inspiration gone it's not getting me very far.

the second one is not totally apt but it's quite interesting. maybe because there's the words 'guitar' and 'inspiration' in it. maybe.

ho hum.

2007-11-23T20:13:00.000+08:00

The way home spent in introspection.

It all started with a look from this boy's face. A flicker of recognition;a tiny hint of a smile. My face remained neutral, until I realised he was an ex-greenridgean. A familiar stranger. I'm quite sure we must have never been acquainted, because I'm quite good at recognising familiar faces. His was just a face you'd know you've seen somewhere before, but won't bother taking a 2nd look at in a crowd. So why spend so much time writing about this?

...

Because I was touched by this mere human connection. A stranger looking at you and smiling. When you strike a conversation with strangers. It could be about anything- the weather, about people not giving up seats to this 60 year old lady because she looked young, etc. It just feels nice.

It made me feel like... we're all the same. You and I, two humans in this big big world. No more different. But on the other hand, those you know better seem more distant. More different. More difficult to connect with.

Maybe, if we got to know these strangers better they'd have been difficult to talk to. What to talk about? How to engage the other party? How is the other party feeling? Or even, just wondering if you should take one more step to know this person better.

Afterall, I've been in SA in what, 9 months? And I still hesitate.

We're all the same. Are we? Or maybe not.

Maybe I should just proclaim, hello people you, you and you mean something to me. I want to know you better. I want to understand your facial expressions that I cannot read. I want to know how you feel. I want to know more than what's on the surface. I WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND. (this sounds horribly wrong.)

Ha. This probably makes no sense because being the i-keep-to-myself person you are, yiqi, people can hardly read your thoughts. so make up your mind, you idiot.

hello are you there?
i yearn for your friendship.
or maybe, this is friendship. In a different way. In a way I should accept.

2007-11-14T17:27:00.000+08:00

i may've been right
i may've been wrong
but then again
life is like ping pong
there's no right or wrong

okay you realise that the above lines don't make sense at all huh? yes, yes it was just a horrible attempt to make my lines rhyme. (: there was no other word that came to me that rhymed with 'wrong' at time of print, besides 'hong' (which is not a word actually). then my poem would be like...

i may've been right
i may've been wrong
but then again
life is like hong!
there's no right or wrong

laugh! hahaha.

and you realise yiqi's been really happy lately. hohoho! it must be the santa spirit. or maybe...

CHRISTMAS IS COMING!!! and they say christmas's all about love, huh? (:

2007-11-09T22:49:00.000+08:00

有些人真是奇怪奇怪真奇怪.
hmm.

2007-11-06T18:28:00.000+08:00

As i check my email, i always get those chain letters, with pictures of beautiful babies who look like they're sleeping peacefully but who are actually 'dying from cancer' as stated by the email. Or even pictures of babies with tubes sticking out from the mouth nose, everywhere.

I've never forwarded them and quite a long time ago, because i felt a tinge of guilt, i just decided to like find out if they were real. But just try it, and you'll find that these are all hoaxes. type in the supposedly dying baby's name, or anything related to the email, and you'll find out all you need to know about how much truth there is to it.

From www.hoax-slayer.com/krista-marie.html: No legitimate company, including AOL, would consider organizing or supporting a charitable campaign that was based on how often a particular email is forwarded. In any case, there is simply no feasible way to keep track of how many times an individual email is forwarded. Any email that tries to convince recipients that a donation, prize, or other benefit is somehow contingent upon how many times the message is forwarded is almost certainly a hoax.

It is quite sad to get all these things forwarded and forwarded when it does not really have much meaning or use. So yes, people, try to find out if the messages are true before fowarding it alright (: don't spend your time or sympathy on something that's not true.

p.s even the nicely written 'Slow Dance' poem thing is a hoax. If you're interested in reading all the lies you can click here (:

2007-11-04T21:58:00.001+08:00

that sudden feeling of peace is what i wish to maintain deep within me. (: there was an angel inside me that just told me, hey honey it's not so bad. and yes, it's not so bad. haha if i could alter the words of that song, it'll become 'but it's not so bad...you're just the worst i ever had.' and i'm perfectly happy with that and well! who knows things could get better. haha.

but oh well whatever happens, i know i'll be fine. because i have something that will remain constant in this (let's all do this dramatically) dynamic world of change. hoho!

i'm feeling happy.
and and and, christmas is coming!
hohoho.

(: i've been a good kid, but i'm not sure you have! hahaha.

2007-11-03T23:50:00.000+08:00

it's beautiful, isn't it? (: thankyou to that someone who sent it to me, heh.

"So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin."

So take too many pictures, huh? reminds me of this particular conversation i was engaged in on friday night. Yeah, i should stay positive huh. (: because we'll be fine.

gotta do something about my mind, haha.
because i can and i want to, hoho.
just to end it off with a laugh,
hee hee.
(haha, hoho, and repeat, try it.)

have a really good day. (:

2007-10-27T12:34:00.000+08:00

let's see how long they'll take to realise.

let's see who really cares.

but no matter what, i'll just show you what i can do.

oh yeah.

2007-10-09T20:51:00.000+08:00

"we put up walls not because we want to cut people out but to see who bothers to knock them down."

- from yini's blog. quote from debbie.

makes a hell lot of sense.

2007-10-08T21:58:00.000+08:00

the last post was June 01.
a njc pae S22 day.

was surfing blogs; you know how post-promos are. if you're not out you'd probably be at home staring at the tv or comp screen. haha. quite sad that we've made our worlds so complicated. or else i'd probably have been spent my time staring at the cute little flowers downstairs, or talking to the fake bird in the fake bird cage in my balcony (something my baby cousin taught me). difficult to do now; if i sat downstairs staring at the flowers people would wonder if i'm overstressed or if i have an emo character. hmmm. hyaha.

the pictures of the flowers you find in the internet ain't as pretty as the ones you look at properly in real life, if you get what i mean. hoho. which is why i enjoy giving and receiving flowers once in a while. hoho.

anyway. back to the point. i've been surfing through my ex-S22 classmates' blogs. and their rapport is amazing. Humans have an amazing ability to adapt to changes. Even though we may be resistant to it at the beginning. I'm really really happy for them; when i look at their blogs and all the photos; the familiar faces and the ever brightening smiles. It's a great feeling. Although everything has changed. S22 has become S24. There are many unfamiliar faces but you know it hasn't really changed. These amazing people are still themselves. How the class has come together as one. (: that spirit, i can never forget and will always treasure. I'm proud to have experienced that bond in such a short period of time. Even if we're not that close but there's this feeling that cannot be expressed in words.

just wanted to say all those. I tagged all the boards that i could view; and if by any chance any one of you ex S22/og24 people are reading this, thankyou for all the good times. I'm content with the memories. and i feel like i share your happiness, so thankyou so much. I wish i could bring this spirit back to my class in SA too. All the best for PW alright. and stay happy, regardless of promo results.

btw, some things never change. by any chance you're reading this...YINI. i'm addicted to your blog song. like again? although it's a different song. thankyou for all the good songs. (: it's quite emo, haha.

SA is quite a disappointment. in terms of spirit.
ah well. i used to believe in making a difference; being the ripple in the pond; saving the one starfish although there are thousands of starfish to be saved, et cetera. But you know things change. It's no 'Service with Pride' anymore. how do we even sing 'Light the fire follow me' now? haha. damn.

maybe.

the school's not the same any more anyway.

If we didn't compare, we'd be much better off. We can't compare the good old times with what we have now. I guess what really matters is the memories.

To look backward for a while is to refresh the eye, to restore it, and to render it the more fit for its prime function of looking forward. ~Margaret Fairless Barber, The Roadmender

uh huh, look forward. (: i am. my future is waiting for me. heh. and i'm so looking forward to it. why? haha. reasons. sweet reasons.

2007-09-24T19:05:00.000+08:00

when she slowly clicked the links one by one.

clicked "April 2007".
and felt a tinge of emotions. is this jealously? HAHAHA. but it's groundless, she has no reason to afterall. After all that has happened. After all the things she's been blessed with as of now, 24/9/07. (:

clicked "May 2007".
ignored the long long long string of conversations, and scrolled through. Nothing much. It seemed to calm her. How many times has she read this by the way? Three or four times, I suppose. No less. Isn't that when she started taking notice? Alot of notice? Maybe. Tsk tsk.

clicked "June 2007".
a post that greeted her made her smile. As she scrolled down she wondered if any of the issues he had concerned her. After all she was never sure that he was feeling for her. Hah, maybe he never really felt it that way. She thought she was right.

But she wasn't.
She wasn't right and she stands corrected.

and her life has been different from then.
From that day she was afraid of dying before she said what she wanted to.
ironically, the day she was afraid of dying, she started to live.
maybe.
(:

2007-09-14T20:35:00.000+08:00

she barked, growled, bared her teeth at me.

and kinda made me sad ): because i come with a peaceful intention.

what emotions are she feeling inside?
... hmmm.

wbzd.

life is always full of mystery; the only way you can live peacefully is to accept, and not tolerate; to let it be, and not doubt; to think less, and feel more, but not be emotional; have faith, but not let things be without trying. and there are so much more mysteries.

is there truth between us? i treasure every smile i get from her; because any other emo day may just pluck this smile away from what we call our friendship in this seemingly calm ocean. (ship, in the sea, see?)

ohwell. and i wonder if i'm actually affected subconsciously; because although i say i'm okay, i can't feel myself much.

must be all that stress with promos and blah. And I yearn to cry in your arms again. But then again, i don't think i could.

p.s one happy point: in this ever changing world, there is always one constant. (:

2007-09-04T21:46:00.000+08:00

I TOOK THIS PICTURE FROM YIXUAN'S BLOG BECAUSE I THINK I'M FEELING LIKE THAT. HAHA. you know, just feeling like a kid that wants to be spoilt. (haha no offence, yixuan.)

yixuan i think i love you so much because your blog makes me happy. which means you being yourself makes me happy. hoho. i wanted to tag your blog but got no tagboard. ): so yeah. seeyou on SATURDAYYYY!

time to sleep! hohoho.

2007-08-31T18:48:00.000+08:00

i miss dancing.

2007-08-24T21:49:00.000+08:00

for my dear friend(s), because you can share so much more while you hold each other dear;
“The sharing of joy, whether physical, emotional, psychic, or intellectual, forms a bridge between the sharers which can be the basis for understanding much of what is not shared between them, and lessens the threat of their difference.”
—Audre Lorde (1934-1992), poet, equal rights activist

for you reading this, because setbacks are unevitable;
“Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and griefs which we endure help us in our marching onward.”
—Henry Ford (1863-1953) founder of Ford Motor Company

and for my dearest, because love is built on a strong foundation of friendship;
“Friendship is the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words.”
—George Eliot [Mary Ann Evans] (1819-1880), novelist

and a reminder to myself, because the world is not made up entirely of facades;
“You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough.”
—Frank H. Crane (b. 1912), writer

2007-08-11T11:14:00.000+08:00

"Aristotle said that we educate ourselves so that we can make noble use of our leisure; this is a view directly opposed to the contemporary belief that we educate ourselves in order to get a job. To that extent the contemporary view distorts the purpose of schooling, by aiming not at the development of individuals as ends in themselves, but as instruments in the economic process."
- "The Meaning of Things" by AC Grayling

I read this while doing comprehension. Which I find redundant in the GP syllabus partly because it simply drags our grades down. Call me shallow-minded, lala. How true the above extract is. I remember when a certain person asked me what faculty i wanted to be in univeristy, the reaction i got from my reply just made me disappointed. It shows how (sadly) practical and biased people can become. Let us just call the person X, shall we?

X: qi ah, so what you want to study next time in U?
me: err, i dunno. maybe social sciences, lor.
X: DON'T. I TELL YOU DON'T, NEVER DO THAT. ( shakes her head in disapproval.)
me: uh. why?
X: only those who got bad results and got nothing to study, then bo bian go there one. (not the exact same words lur, but somewhat the idea is there.)

i was very, very shocked by the reaction and the explanation. This is a HASTY GENERALISATION! ( look, i pay attention in GP classes.) I find it all so nonsensical. And i still want to do what i'm inclined to. Does it mean that if i'm in the medicine faculty then it naturally means that I've had good results and all those who are in the arts faculty are considered to be of a lower level than me? Maybe, i should have said this.

X: qi ah, so what you want to study next time in U?
me: I WANT TO BE A LAWYER. Earn big bucks, yo. (even if i'm not really happy, oh well haha)

Maybe, the impression that I would have given would be so much more different. Not that my results would allow me to become a lawyer anyway.

alright, enough of my rantings. Do you get my point? (sad, sad point?)

I shall just continue fitting into this Asian education system. And develop a passion for the subjects I'm studying. and i shall err, get 4As for my promos. (or maybe 4Bs, or 4Cs at least, hopefully hahahaha) Having high hopes, having a big ego and simply saying it dosen't make it come true, i know. haha. so i shall mug hard; goodbye people.

Let's all say it together.
we are getting 4As for promos, hohohoho.

santa can you come with a present in October instead?
I've been a good kid, i think.

2007-07-26T22:29:00.000+08:00

The man who is anybody and who does anything is surely going to be criticized, vilified, and misunderstood. This is part of the penalty for greatness, and evey man understands, too, that it is no proof of greatness.

-Elbert Hubbard

2007-07-11T22:43:00.000+08:00

it's going to be eleven soon; way past my bedtime (haha). but i'm sleeping later and later. and i wake up later and later. oh well whatever. just some random photos i feel like posting. i've abandoned reaction kinetics tutorial for these photos that are able to occupy my thoughts for a longer time.

a random thought while staring at these fish in my grandparents' house:

HOW DO SMALL FIRMS COEXIST WITH LARGE FIRMS?

the beautiful rainbow i was talking about in one of my previous posts (:

taken in nj. that ray of light brings hope. maybe. (:

I WANT TO TRY BOLLYWOOD FUSION :D

yiqi is currently expression-less despite typing the two "(:" faces and one ":D" face. zzz.

must be a lack of sleep. aha. i need sleep. no maybe-s to it.DAMMIT i'm sleeping an hour later than my previous days. and i slept an hour later than my previous previous days. which means i'm already sleeping 2 hrs later.

smth to think about: is a title that impt?

2007-07-09T19:43:00.000+08:00

"I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true."

(: i just read your blog.
once again you've touched my heart.
[i wished i could say smth like that to move you too, but you probably know that i do not have an ability to (yet). (maybe, haha)]

so listen to my heart, and you'll hear. (:
look into my eyes; you may not be able to read my eyes but i'll tell you.
and i'll always be there to assure you.

we'll get there.
YIQI zou dao. (:

THE WORLD IS SUDDENLY SO BEAUTIFUL.
ALTHOUGH I HAVE NOT FINISHED (ALOT OF) MY HOMEWORK.
:D

thankyou to every single one of you tagging the board; thankyou to every single one of you i see in school each day; thankyou to every random stranger who smiles at me on the streets; thankyou to every single teacher that has made a difference to my life; thankyou to every single soul who has ever stepped into this life of mine; thankyou to those that have helped me; thankyou to those whom i've helped; thankyou to those who have hurt me; thankyou to my parents for my existance; thankyou to your parents for your existance. thankyou to fate for bringing me here to you. (:

hoho.
thankyou so much.

2007-07-07T12:06:00.000+08:00

"Our minds are as different as our faces: we are all traveling to one destination --happiness; but few are going by the same road."
Charles Caleb Colton

indeed, few of us are going by the same road towards being happy. most people in this world hold brave upfronts and happy faces, go about their days like any other, even if they have problems causing distress or heartaches. nobody is worry-free, isn't it?

looking at my friends' blogs, i feel kindof down; everybody's hidden deep within their thoughts and problems. while all of us are together, we laugh, we smile, we joke. not delving deep within, nor just surfacing. we're just somewhat in between; our clique is getting a weird feeling. i don't know lur, but it just feels funny, (but not in a haha manner, lol.)

OH WELL all i gotta say is CHEER UP, PEOPLE. we all got our different problems but things will eventually work out. have faith, hope and hold those dear to you close. we're here for each other- so you can open up if you want. don't make the mistakes i've made; keeping too many things to yourself isn't the way to problems. communicate and yeah. don't know lur. wbzd wbzd. haha.

"The rose is fairest when 't is budding new,
and hope is brightest when it dawns from fears."
Walter Scott

hope is brightest when it dawns from fears, so don't worry too much if you're afraid, hope will come and you will see the light my dears. (: smile alright. i love you guys.

(: a random quote for you too: "Missing someone gets easier everyday because even though you are one day further from the last time you saw them, you are one day closer to the next time you will."

2007-07-06T21:39:00.000+08:00

got back my maths paper only, rather fed up with myself for being careless- i could have passed. but again, so what if i had brushed through a pass? is that satisfactory for you, my dear girl? (:

random thoughts:

#01 : i remembered that after every single one of my papers, i didn't feel much; except for chem, when i felt totally nua and in need of a hug to calm my deeply shaken soul (HAHA). and when i reflected on my behaviour i realised that maybe i didn't really take the papers seriously. i just did it like with my brain and not with my heart. maybe we should do all things with our mind AND heart. because when my heart caught up with my mind, then it hit me. like -bang-, oh, damn i screwed up. like a sudden realisation. haha. which feels quite horrible. and i start to get a bit hysterical, HAHAHA. and oh well. that happened during chem mcq discussion, heh. gah anyway i must work harder.

#02 : i boarded a bus which was driven by a reckless bus driver. his favourite thing to do was to step on the accelerator, then brake really hard so that everybody experiences inertia. i started to get quite worried because i didn't want to die so early, or get injuries. hoho. THEN, i remembered the last time i was on a bus which is constantly rocking, i was thankful for the bus driver cuz he got me home fast. But now i've changed my perception. yes. better late than never. i think i've got more sensible. HAHA.

#03 : the random thoughts go on forever, but since i need to sleep now, i shall save these random-ness for next time. haha.

#04 : SAGE won't be the same anymore with the seniors gone ):

ending off with a nice song, heh. by Rascal Flatts, but i couldn't get that version so this version is sung by selah which sounds rather foreign. hmm. (: thankyou imeem! hahaha.

Bless The Broken Road

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.

2007-06-29T22:48:00.000+08:00

DEDICATED TO THE CLIQUE: an idea i read in a book i randomly picked up today.

going on an adventure- bring along two dices, and meet your friends at an mrt station. roll the dice, and add up the numbers. board any side of the mrt and alight after the number of stops is reached. take any bus at the nearest bus stop from the mrt station where you alighted. roll the dices again. add up the number and that number will be the number of stops you should alight after you have boarded the bus. THEN, have a wonderful lunch at the place you alighted.

isn't that interesting? what a solution to our never-ending problem of decision-making.

i had alot to talk about but now my mind is kinda blank. hoho. i'll update again if i feel like it.

2007-06-28T19:25:00.000+08:00

Theodore Roosevelt
Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure...than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.

that quote was from one of my past blog entries. while reading my past blog entries, i realised that i do make some sense sometimes. and so many things have happened that have made me who i am today. i've changed alot. this i finally see and agree with. but it's not too bad i guess? i've grown up. sad things and things that you don't want to accept in life often make you more sensible and you learn, actually. i've learnt so many things the hard way. stubborn me.

and look where life has brought me? (: it has brought me here where i can see how lucky i am.

just a sudden rush of feelings lur, as usual i'll say i'm okay, and i am. the only thing that's NOT okay is that i'm supposed to be mugging now. haha. the nxt time i blog, CTs would have ended. yay.

some things in life to look forward to. (=

this song is rather motivational, i don't know why. the minor key sounds really sad but then, there seems to be a bit of hope deep within. hur. emo emo song.
(yiruma, Spring)

2007-06-20T23:58:00.000+08:00

"you can dance anywhere, even if only in your heart"

my life changed the day i decided to go for njwd auditions.
and i want to continue to dance.
somehow, somewhere, someday.

(: and my life changed again yesterday, a fateful and blissful day. life's always changing. but some things i hope will never change.

mayyyy-be. haha.

hmmm. i should be studying. no, sleeping. it's so late. hur. tsk.

2007-06-15T21:22:00.000+08:00

rachel: MISSED!(: you know i've been flipping through my photos. the photos taken in nh make me wish we could go back thr and feel like how we felt all over again; even tho it wasn't perfect but we did have alot of fun. nh isn't the same anymore, dosen't feel the same anymore. =/ one day we shld ALL go back and make the atmosphere right eh. haha. class outing soon!

carine: RARRRR it's been a long time since i ever saw you or heard fm you! I MISSS SITTING on your right! yeah i've been alright, still the same i guess. eh, as i was saying, class outing soon, hope t see you! and how are you? whr're you now? take care alright! (:

qinzhen: eh you know sheng kai ah? ur primary school mate or smth? haha. he was in my group for Outward Bound. hee. hope t seeya soon alright! STUDY HARD! =l haha. jiayou jiayou.

I MISS NH PEOPLE. ):
meeting the council people yesterday was such a sweet thing; everybody's still the same, you can just talk to them like you see them everyday. you just feel the same around them, nothing's changed. and i like it that way. although if anything had changed, i'd still probably love them the way they are. maybe.

changes, hmmm. life's been changing.

realised that staying at home is not my thing. i just stone there and start thinking alot. and i don't feel that good about it. so i shall go outside and explore; things just look different when you're alone. (: it's like the same scene, but because you're looking out of a different window, it just feels different. and you start appreciating things when you're more quiet.

so i think i shall talk less, listen more, feel positive more. love more. whatever love is. (: hope more, even though it gets difficult at times. and appreciate more.

(: i feel positively positive. HA.

timothy's back home! :D realised that playing a guitar requires much posture and strength. like dance. i feel a new respect for it. yes. i shall work hard on playing it right. haha. when i have the time. SAGE! hoho. interested in joining SAJC GUITAR ENSEMBLE, anyone? (:

I SAW A PRETTY RAINBOW TODAY.
just wanna share the joy. (:
arco iris.

2007-06-11T17:34:00.000+08:00

(: irreplacable memories, people.

2007-06-11T17:07:00.000+08:00

iwanttotalktoyoulikenow.

but i'm not; have no idea why.

i wonder how my mind works. is it even working? oh man yiqi. what's wrong with you? haha. come back to reality now.

2007-06-10T12:50:00.000+08:00

my fever went up to thirty-nine degrees.
but it's nearly gone now, yay.

i had hallucinations that night! some person was talking to me, giving me directions to do stupid things. hahaha. and i told my mum i had done what i was supposed to do- arranging the pillows in a funny way. haha. i think i freaked my mother out. so that's the way hallucinations work. i'm so glad to be awake again.

hoho i'm getting better!

hello, world.

2007-06-08T10:50:00.000+08:00

wo sheng bing le.
hoho.

i was stoning in the bus back home yesterday and i saw a couple of guys being emo. listening to their mp3s and communicating by typing a message and passing their phones back and forth (i never knew guys talked to guys like that!). maybe they weren't emo lur, i just felt that they looked emo. haha. i felt sadness in the eyes of the guy standing beside me, lol. i must be thinking too much.

and i suddenly realised. we don't doubt so much because, back to the same boring sentence, "life is unpredictable". when you see a sunset, it is beautiful. why doubt its beauty; when it may be the last time you're looking at such a sunset?

you know trees tend to fall alot nowadays.
yeah.

ah gah my flu is clogging up my mind and my nose. zzz.

2007-06-05T16:37:00.000+08:00

(: okay i'm officially feeling un-hyper. nothing much wrong with that tho; my brain and my heart is perfectly in sync. they both understand each other suddenly. and i'm feeling optimistic about life again. maybe. with the sudden surges of heartache, i actually feel alive. life's like that isn't it. and tomorrow, i'll wake up as a stronger girl. strong girls turn out fine, eh? haha.

i'm actually quite proud of myself, my intuition, the way i'm thinking now. although i wonder if it'll just all accumulate and become an outburst like what happened a couple of months ago, after my first day in sa, i know it won't. (maybe.) and for once i'm really sure that i'll be okay; i don't need anybody to reaffirm that fact.

back to square one. but this time with hope, with a new outlook on life, with perhaps a newborn friendship, and this time sure that this is yiqi.

hello. (: welcome home.

A teens- Firefly.

When I said go I never meant away
You ought to know the freaky games we play
could you forgive and learn how to forget
hear me as I'm calling out your name

Firefly come back to me
make the night as bright as day
I'll be looking out for you
tell me that your lonely too
firefly come lead me on
follow you into the sun
that's the way it ought to be
firefly come back to me

You and me
we shared a mystery
we were so close
like honey to the bee
And if you tell me how to make you understand
I'm minor in a major kinda way

Firefly come back to me
make the night as bright as day
I'll be looking out for you
tell me that you're lonely too
firefly come lead me on
follow you into the sun
that's the way it ought to be
firefly come back to me

Fly firefly through the sky
come and play with my desire
don't be long
don't ask why
I can't wait another night

my heart aches! but i realise that you get muscleaches now and then; and your heart is a muscle too. haha. so it's pretty normal i guess!

hello you reading this!
give me a smile,
haha.

jerlyn dearest, if you're reading this, let's go out soon yea! just hang out or do anything you want. GOT LOADS TO TELL YOU and you got LOADS TO TELL ME TOO HUR! (: only if you're free la, cuz i know you guys are very busy with streetfest and stuff. (: love you. take care. you're missed, girlfriend.

and bernice, yx and jas you guys are missed as well. BERNICE i swear i'm very free alrdy, haha. we can go out and study or smth alrdy. do take care. <3 p.s i haven't pay for rapture tix, lol. so now i owe ppl money. zzz.

HELLO 8XIANS start coming out from the MIA status please. (: mass chats/sms-es are dearly missed.

and i suddenly start missing alot of people hur hur.
good day and good night and good morning.

2007-06-01T21:33:00.000+08:00

beautiful music.

"swayed always by beauty and truth"

2007-05-18T21:29:00.000+08:00

sometimes your heart seems empty and your mind suddenly wanders to somebody. and then you think: damn. what's happening? and then you realise that you're getting attached. to this environment. these friends. this school. to this person. getting dependent. getting used to seeing this. and you long for the same feeling again. you wanna get back there. to see. to feel. to think. to touch. to move.

and you wonder if you shld be less attached. cuz one day you'd have to detach yourself all over again. HA.

perhaps.

2007-05-12T18:09:00.000+08:00

don't know why i opened up that day.been such a long time i've ever told anybody anything that much. don't know why i said all those things. kinda pointless, but i just admitted to myself that i'm just afraid. so maybe. i've learnt something new about myself. ha. that's good, supposedly.

went for njdance today with a really tired body and mind. i kept thinking that i'd just take a cab there but i didn't really attempt to flag one. ha. the bus came right on time and the side gate was even open, a really pleasant surprise. found out that the steps had been changed alot. which was in a way good; cuz learning new things breaks away from this ______(insert adjective here) life. learnt everything quite happily, tho my mind ocassionally strays to an empty space, leaving me stationary, alone, in a middle of a group of people dancing to the beat.

and there are times whereby i finally caught the beat. and i felt myself moving. when i smiled and really felt happy after this tiring week. but suddenly, the world seems to whirl for a bit and i miss the beat. and ugh.

maybe it's those happy moments that you gotta live in; even if the moment was short. maybe it's the hope of being there again that makes you strive even harder to catch the beat. i'll feel the music again, i swear.

but can i? ha.
today- dance
sunday- dance
monday- guitar rehearsal
tuesday- dance, chem test.
wednesday- dance tagrun
thursday- guitar rehearsal
friday- maths test, tution, probably guitar rehearsal and most probably dance.(cuz you shouldn't even think of resting-- you'd just be disappointed when smthing crops up)
saturday- GUITAR CONCERT, dance.

and i'm too tired to think what'd be coming next.
but i guess i'll have to work it out
cuz i guess i can.
maybe.
although it gets tiring...
sometimes.

do me a favour- if you see me, give me a smile. it's one of the things that may just lift a tired mind and body.

she sees him give up at the last 200 metres. he has the stamina, but he gives up. because they've lost anyway. and she tells herself that she won't be like that. she'd fight to the end. she'll give everything her best shot. even if she's on the losing end. even if the runner in front is leading her by more than 200 metres. and she'll run all the way to the end; even if everybody else has finished the race. dash.

that's what i'm here for.

2007-04-29T21:29:00.000+08:00

It Ends Tonight- The American Rejects

Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can’t explain myself at all.
And all the wants
And all the needs
All I don’t want to need at all.

The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can’t explain what you can’t explain.
You're finding things that you didn’t know
I look at you with such disdain

The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Now I’m on my own side
It’s better than being on your side
It’s my fault when you're blind
It’s better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside
Now you’re the first to know

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends when darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Tonight, Insight
When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight.

i wish this feeling could end tonight. please add a little pinch of motivation, a few tablespoons of hope, and a few cups of sense into me. thankyou.

summary of the week:
JERLYN BRIGHTENED UP MY SATURDAY!
that's all i really really remember for now. ha.

2007-04-18T16:39:00.000+08:00

i guess everybody deserves to get emotional once in a while.

The Sick Puppies- All the Same
"Wonder why
Black or white
If I close my eyes
It's all the same."

when "i close my eyes, it's all the same."
when we all close our eyes...what'll differentiate me from you? nothing. maybe the rhythm at which we breathe? but we all know that our hearts are pumping in the same way- the muscles contract and relax, while the valves control the backflow of blood. with that lub-dub sound. what makes us different?...

that sounds quite random, isn't it? but it's actually quite relavent to me. i've been asked many times why i don't want to continue to play sports competitively. i dont' know what's the difference. i can't see the meaning in it. why push myself up the very edge of my limits, just to obtain that medal? it's undeniable that training with your team will leave behind many beautiful memories of which cannot be replaced. but in the end, we're all the same- whether we play competitively, or not. "it's about the love of the game"- can we love the game without playing it competitively? yes, but what becomes the point of training like your life depends on it? what about individual races? i've run, won and lost. that feeling of immense satisfaction, a push in your self-esteem, and the support you get from your friends are what you've won. but it wears off. and it becomes an empty cup. just a medal. just a trophy.

so tell me. give me another side of the story, will you?

2007-03-24T21:44:00.000+08:00

life's been... not too bad. (: gah cuz life is kinda conventional, so i hardly talk about it in detail. zzz. and you realise that my entries are getting shorter and shorter. lol.

i'm gonna work really hard in juggling nj dance, studies plus cca in sa. HA. i really want to accomplish what i want to do and enjoy myself in the process. it's not a 'NJ-fixation' thing luh, it's not an unhealthy emotional attachment. it's doing what i like to do and to push myself into living a really meaningful, and erm... full life. like not wasting time. blah blah blah. to think of it, it's kinda like training. but yes. just do it. impossible is nothing. hahahaha.

and i like dance. (: no, i like njwd. hahaha. okay maybe it is an emotional attachment thing. but it's not unhealthy. :D

so given my decisions and priorties, i may be missing in action for some time here. there would be sacrifices i guess. but yepp. i'll keep trying. JIAYOU TO ALL THOSE OUT THERE WHO'RE TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH SMTH TOO! (: LET'S KEEP TRYING! YAY. HAHA. LET'S DO IT. whoosh.

oh, to a random person out there: eh i don't really care y'know?

and to another person out there: itilyaitsw.):

(that was random typing. hahahaha.)

2007-03-19T15:45:00.000+08:00

taken from yini's blog:
http://drawahouse.com/
"You can use this site to draw a house, answer some quesions based on your house then find out what your house says about you.."

Based on your drawing and the 10 answers you gave this is a summary of your personality:
Your house tells the world that you ought to be a leader. You are good at making friends and when the joyful moment arrives, you make the most out of it. You love your house and family. You are a gifted artist as well. Once you have a problem, you need a friend with you. Your life is always full of changes. You are very tidy person. There's nothing wrong with that because you're pretty popular among friends. Your life is always full of changes.

When it comes to love, you shut yourself off. It's difficult to win your heart because you have decided to keep your feelings deep inside. You see the world as it is, not as you believe it should be.

You added a flower into your drawing. The flower signifies that you long for love. It also safe to say that others don't see you as a flirt. You don't think much about yourself.

haha. i just suddenly wondered, if we took a thousand personality tests, and they say a thousand things about you, does it mean that you have a thousand different personalities? won't that be so freaky? hmmm. haha. okay so i've taken two, and two different results. (: shall i keep going? :D hee.

first official day at school was not too bad! (: 07s22! yay. nice number. while i get all excited about my new 07s22, i'll never forget the old 07s22... deep in my heart. <3

2007-03-18T21:24:00.001+08:00

you make me sound like i'm not sensative to a person's feelings at all.
and it saddens me quite alot.

2007-03-18T18:39:00.001+08:00

check us out! (:

i enjoyed our first performance.
hopefully not my last.

2007-03-17T21:41:00.000+08:00

Yiqi, your most unique quality is that you're unusually Agreeable.

You believe that people are inherently good and tend to listen to your heart in important matters. You are gentle and have a sincere desire to help and trust others. You are straightforward but don't tend to brag about yourself or your lot in life. You're amenable to people's suggestions, and you are good at helping people realize their own talents, which only makes people like you more. Compared to others who are agreeable, you are unusually trusting. Only 0.8% of all test takers have this unique combination of personality strengths.

okay i realise that they'll have to say good things about you so that you'll continue to take their tests and visit their sponsors. :D so... how true the results are, you judge. ha. but i guess i am unusually trusting. which is nt very good in this conventional world... where some may resort to 'unethical' means to get what they want... hmmm...

ccab performance is over alrdy. on the mrt ride home, i felt that neutral feeling again- that feeling i got when i got my posting results. but this time it was more of a sad, neutral feeling. i know i know sad = not neutral right? haha. but i don't know how to describe it. i just hope my argument is good enough to convince my parents to let me go for aristal. xi yang wu dao...

i remember yini telling me that my neutral feelings may be cuz my true feelings have not surfaced yet. and how true! i remember my first day in SA. that undescribable feeling and how it surfaced when i got home. (: you won't understand unless you've went through it. and after that day i chatted with eric, i felt so much better. cuz i realised that it will be okay in the end. life goes on...

so once again, i'm reminded that life goes on and... yes it just keeps going on, lor. haha. yupp.

SAJC!
I'M NOT HERE BY CHANCE! (:

and oh oh oh there's this person with the exact same name as me in the arts stream. cool isn't it? ha.

everybody dance now.

2007-03-04T20:40:00.000+08:00

tuesday is coming nearer.
sunday is coming nearer.
next thursday is coming nearer.

tuesday means leaving nj, to a new environment that may or may not suit me. (: but i'll be fine. things will work out; and i won't stop dancing. so yes. i guess everything will be all right. really do hope that 07s22 will keep in touch, even with their new friends. (: make new friends and keep the old in your heart yeah? (: cuz i'll remember every single one of you. and the seniors and the teachers.

sunday is danceworks, and we've not finished the props yet. i feel rather worried but since everyone is quite sure that we'd be all right, we'll be all right. haha. yepp. let's just work hard together and yeah. (: haha. no worries.

next thursday is our very first performance! =D ha. so excited. lol.

i've not done any homework. ):

2007-02-27T20:43:00.000+08:00

i think i...

i hope you'd cheer up.
cheer up!

beautiful music.
http://www.livevideo.com/video/15768DC60E6D4B9F80116F2F448C2EF8/sad-autumn-my-original-composition.aspx
experience the magic yourself. (:

beautiful, isn't it?

2007-02-23T19:36:00.000+08:00

long time since i blogged. cuz there ain't inspiration, you know? (: ah right. anyway, life's been really happy for me this whole week. i know the week isn't ending yet, but i predict that it'd be happy. haha. been dancing since wednesday and will continue tml. hee. d-a-n-c-e.

PLEASE SUPPORT THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE/ORGANIZATION!

11/03/07!SUPPORT NJC WESTERN DANCE AT NGEEANNCIVICS PLAZA! (: i'm nt sure what time yet, but yeah. will update again. and and and...

SUPPORT THE NANHUA JAPANANESE STALL UNCLE! he's opening a stall in NJC from monday onwards, 26/2/07(if i'm not wrong). the currently closed stall will be taken over by him. so do support him alright! he won't be preparing alot alot for the first few days, so be kiasu ppl. (you all know how crowded nj's canteen is during lunch?..) yeahh. :) heh.

yepp. that's it for commercials.

i can't really recall what homework i have; my memory must be deteriorating.

2007-02-13T14:42:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling really afraid.
really afraid.
for a moment.

pray hard.