Thursday, July 13, 2006

i think it's quite safe to say out wdvr i'm feeling today, probably cuz... everybody'd possibly be studying and busy w their own stuff, so much that nobody will read. But i can say it all out. w/o keeping anything inside... i don't mean to offend, i just want to get it all out. cuz i dont' like to swear to myself in my room, feeling so xin ku. alone.
so fed up.
i know i'm dumb, i'm stupid. i'm slow, i can't understand things that people can; i always ppl laugh finish den i understand. i'm wdvr u ppl call it. but at least i try to find out right. i hardly get any answers since it seems ridiculous to explain it to someone who may not even understand, but nvm. it's alright. but sometimes, if i wanna find out, can you tell me? i know it's all a joke; sometimes things unimportant- i need not know. but insults-no, i can't take that. i can take some. but how much have you said? everybody except you is a loser, is that it? fine i'm a loser, but i can't stand you insulting my friends. it may be a joke. but some things can't be joked abt. and if it were a joke, it'd help to say sorry i'm just kidding OR SMTH. you just don't know how wrong it sounds.
so fed up.
you're so hot and cold, how wld we know what you're thinking?
so fed up.
it's like.we come all together to waste time and stuff. yes i know we wasted time. i know we wasted a lot of time. but we did some constructive work. and when we were doing constructive work suddenly we not together le, doing our own stuff. it's like mei you zuo dong xi. but there's nothing to be done abt that; cuz there was really nth to do! except the stupid board. i was just really sad that we weren't doing things together as a team anymore. it has more like become i do what i'm supposed to do, that's it; i wanna get this stupid damned thing finished and done with.
so sad.
the thing i was really pissed was 'you all come here do nth','why you all want to meet'. sorry to that person, i not zhen dui ni but seriously that made me very very sad. it's like. WE'RE A TEAM, DAMMIT! it's us, not you or him or yeah. wdvr. i'm really sorry but it's really how i feel. sorry i really not zhen dui ni hor! if you're reading that is. (: hee. really i not saying u.
so sad.
coming together has become a chore. a horrid, irritating chore, is that it? that shldn't be the case! what is happening? WHAT THE !#$^%@^*. always been speaking about the passion to others; right now, there's little passion. there's little empathy. there's little love. there's little whatever. that's how i feel. HOW I FEEL NIA. don't sue me.

we're all tired.
but nobody can help us except ourselves.
only we can pull each other up.
and maybe we can fly again.

i not stupid.
bu yao shuo wo ben.
bu yao.
bu yao.
bu yao.

i feel like crying. when i mixed up everything i felt stupid, i felt like crying. call me whatever you want. when i totally choked on my tea i wanted to cry. i wanted to cry it all out. i wanted to cry like i haven't been doing for so many years. but i won't. cuz it's a sign of weakness.

and perhaps for you, it'd be stupidity too.

i'm sorry for being so slow in catching things. you guys can bu yao explain to me, but i will continue to ask. fan zheng... wo ye xi guan le. (: maybe one day i'll find it all funny as well.

yiqi
grps,nhhs,sajc